Its been so long

12 Days since I last posted. How slack.

Being a school mum is hard work and tiring, I find. Of course Kinder kids are still being picked up a bit earlier so its a very short day. Its been going very well on a whole. She had 2 bad morning this week and I spent one day with a cramped stomach worrying about her. She has been selected for this social programme with 3 other kids from Kindergarten, which is perfect for her but while they run the kids programme they run one for the mums. Which isn't so good. Its ultimately aimed at parents who struggle to control, discipline and deal with their kids. Which isn't me. DD#1 has had regular therapy for her autism for 2 years now. Any problems or ways of dealing with her has been worked thru long before now. And I don't think I'm the only mum struggling with the parents programme - 2 of the others mums are. But I'm sure we will keep doing it cause it only last for an hour and then the last hour is spent with the kids. And the parents bit is only 6 weeks.

Anyway I have alot to do today the last 2 days have been spent in a foggy mess. My brain is tired and run down. I've barely moved after getting home each day so the house is a mess. The laundry is overflowing and I have a huge folding pile and iron pile of clothes. So thats my saturday.

Like most Australians I've been glued to the TV. The Vic fires have been very sad and devastating. I know alot of people who live around the areas where the fires were, they are all safe. But there are many people who aren't. Schools, whole communities, lives and families have been lost.

Smiley Saturday, now I have one too.

I regularly read the Smiley Saturday post links on Lightenings blog, today I have one of my own.

Yesterday was DD#1 first day at a main stream school, she started Kindergarten which in NSW is the first compulsory full time year of school. Why this is smile worthy - 18 months ago we got the paper work for a special autistic school that is near us cause no one who saw her thought she would be able to go to a mainstream school, we were told over and over again to hurry with the forms cause of waiting list etc. Something held me back and I devoted my time to finding therapys we could do now to improve her ability to cope within a society that is not set up for a child like mine.

Yesterday she went off to school with all the other little kids who live in our suburbs and not only did she cope but she loved it. She made a new little friend, she doesn't know his name so is calling him 'the boy' but this is huge for us cause she knows two little girls in her class, the school put her with those two girls so she would have some familar faces and feel more at ease. I asked her if she played with either of the girls and she said no, which both amazed and excited me - she made a friend, I want to do a happy dance.

Once in the car instead of the meltdown screaming match I both expected and prepared for I got a detailed description of her day and how great it was. I honestly want to cry, I can't believe how wonderfully great this is. I know its only one day and it could all change on Monday but one day of calm happiness is... enough to give me chills. Her teacher was gushing when I picked her up, she was so excited and happy at how great the day was and how much she interacted with both her and the other kids. We had done as much as we could to set her up for success, I had started having meeting with the principal and her current teacher in April last year and its truly proved to be benefitial.

So thats my Smiley Saturday. I have not stopped smiling since I picked her up yesterday afternoon.

Week In Review and Me update all in one

This week I didn't lose any weight but I'm not overly complaining, I did get a bit of exercise in and my muscles have that slightly sore feeling so thats OK.

Its been a hard week. The kids have been real out of sorts, my youngest who is naturally a sooky crying child has been in tears at the drop of a hat every single day. The three boys in her swimming class made her cry 4 times in a half hour lesson. I ended up changing her lesson to a later time so she can be in a class with more girls. Why they thought one girl would be good with three boys is beyond me. My eldest has been relentless in annoying, hurting and generally being mean to her so tears are happening all day at home too. Speaking of my eldest, argh... I'm actually glad school is starting on Friday, I never thought I would say that cause I love having kids and being at home with them but she is going crazy. Unfortunately she is a overpowering mix of being extremely intelligent who is moderate but high functioning autistic and suffers from severe anxiety. Yesterday she spent a hour screaming at me through a closed door that she wanted to go home to her real mum!!! I would love to explain to her that I still have intense memories to giving birth to her 37cm head. (Only slightly replaced by giving birth to her sisters 38 cm head).

Deep down I think she is really worried about starting school, she is really excited and desperate to learn (though she is doing 2nd grade maths so she is going to be a bit bored I think for the first 2 yrs) but she is anxious and worried, yesterday she ended up breaking down at the end of the day and saying she didn't want a new teacher when she moves up a class. Poor little thing, worrying about something that won't be happening for a year. I told her if she ended up being really unhappy then I would do something about it for her, I promise. I have pretty much gotten to the point of accepting one day I'll have to homeschool her.

Anyway all in all its made for a pretty full on noisy week and I'm so tired. Last night I went to bed and my head was running and when hubby started to snore I ended up moving to the lounge to watch a movie - I woke at 6.30 this morning with the TV still on.

Today is a public holiday in Australia, Australia Day in fact. There is a movement going to change the day cause the aborigines feel that its not a day to celebrate seeing its the day the white man came to this country. I'm not sure where I sit on it all really I am considered white in this country but have alot of aborigines in my family tree, my mums grandfather was a aborigine.

Most of my family still work on public holidays, my mum is a nurse and she is working this afternoon, my father works in a RSL Club as a supervisor so that is open today as well, hubby is self employed so if he doesnt work he does get paid, and my future sister in law is currently working in a cafe until Uni starts so she works too. But we are all going to be available for brunch today so we are grabbing the opportunity to eat together, we are about to leave for mums shortly.

This coming week is a huge one for us. #2 child starts her extra day at preschool as well as move up into the next class, she goes off to school next year so is in the 'big' class at preschool, so she is there 2 days a week from this week on. And my eldest starts school on Friday. Also mum and I are going to not only go to the funeral on Wednesday but while down in Sydney we are going to take the opportunity to visit my cousin in hospital. Its been a marathon to get the girls minded for the day. I'm dropping them off at mums so my future SIL can mind them until my MIL arrives to have them for the day then she is dropping them off to my dad who will then take them to hubby when he finishes work. What a mess but the drive is going to be too long for them to do and come back in one day and also my eldest is already obsessed with death as it is, a funeral would be... awkward.

On the organising front and budget mess. I've gotten no further. With the kids being they way they have been I've been far to crazy to think straight. Hubby did move some stuff from the garage this week so I have a bit more room in there to do some sorting. But really our accounts and budget must come first.... and I'll keep working on it.

Waaaaah

Just got back from the specialist, DD#1 tear ducts still don't work, after 4 operations with no success he has just recommended the 'next' stage which is 3 more operations spaced out with one every three months and also we'd need another surgeon with more experience. I have no idea what to do, her eyes are often gunky and red looking. We have to supply letters all the time to prove she doesn't have an infection. But they are heaps better than before operation 3 & 4. They are heaps worse in the morning or if she is unwell, so during the day they are a OK.

But... with her autism and severe anxiety another operation could cause some severe reactions and regression. We have done so well to prepare her for school, and to calm her down the last 6 months, I just don't want to enter into something else new yet. Just the 1.5hrs at the clinic ended with her mute and rocking, the rocking is something we haven't seen now for about 5 months, argh.

I think we will probably wait a year or 2. Hubby couldn't come today but we just spoke about it and he is still holding out that it will fix itself, I think there is only a 0.1% chance of that happening. We will need to sit down and really hash out the pro's and con's and decide what to do.

Man about the House

Rhonda from Down to Earth did a lovely post this morning about her husband and I've been sitting here holding a child who is getting sick, thinking about my husband.

He and I are not 100% compatible I have to say, we disagree on a lot of things. And unlike Rhonda and Hanno, we don't pick up where the other left off, things I'm bad at, so is he etc. Of course we both have a few things that are 'our own'. But regardless of all that, we get along very well, we were good friends for quite a few years before entering into a relationship (we met at school).

Right now while building our house I've realised how incredibly lucky I am to have the husband I have. He goes off to work in the morning, works on our house in the afternoon and finishes his office work at night. On the weekends he spends sun up to sun down working on our house. Over the last 6 months I'd estimate he has had a total of 4 days off. Over the last 2 years he has done labour for other men with trade skills so we can do labour swap, has collected material, like old hard wood rafters which he then de-nailed and cut to size, has collected bricks from building sites, plus heaps more. He has built racks and storage units to store all the second hand material in. Only now the job is far underway I've realised how much money he has saved us. (Also how much pride it gives me to know we have re-used material instead of buying it all new).

Of course I knew he was a good man before this. I have a condition which means when I'm pregnant I get sick, and I mean sick. For the first 16 wks of each pregnancy I can be sick up to 30 times I day. I was taken care of so well during this time, even to the point of him holding my hair out of the way. (not something I can do for another adult thats for sure, with my weak stomach).

I would love to be in a world where all women have a good caring man to be with, and visa versa. It would be nice to see marriages where a hardworking partner gets just as much back as they put in, I know this is not reality but I can dream. I can't do much at our house building, I've painted and cleaned and stuff like that but with two littlies and other committments its pretty hard. But we have fallen into a pattern. He builds the house and is the bread winner and I run the home, do the accounts both personal and business, and am the main care giver to the children, meaning I do all the research on therapy for #1, research daycares etc for #2, speech therapy, reading all that. Once I've done all the leg work I let him know the appointments on which he needs to attend and give him the run down (summary) on the therapy that I think is best. Or what budget I've worked out and why I think it works.

If you want something from a partner I've heard its best to show them by example, I agree to this on some aspects but sometimes it just doesn't work, my uncle married a lazy women who is very selfish. My uncle worked himself to the bone while being constantly sick from her dogs and she gave nothing back, unfortunately he is now a very bitter mean man who no one wants to be around, instead of showing her a better way to live he was shown a worse way to be.

I'll never want to be like this, my husband is a man who works hard for his family and in return I want to work hard for the family too, I hope we both continue to be like this to each other.